Leave to Cleave

Growing up, I loved the fantasy of marriage and I had a good example from my family but as I grew older and had some relationships that did not last, I got weary of marriage. Just before I turned 25, I witnessed some good marriages that crashed which scared the hell out of me. I started praying about my marriage in my University days. I didn’t want to get into any purposeless relationship or rush into marriage I wanted an enjoyable marriage that would stand the test of time. I am only halfway into 5 years in marriage and was led to start sharing lessons about this institution called marriage that the devil is after to destroy.

The bible uses the term leave to cleave to describe a situation where the man leaves his biological home to create a family with his woman. In actual sense, both parties leave. In the context of this writing, leave to cleave is for both parties.

For a successful marriage, both parties must be ready to LEAVE. Leave their past experiences, leave any baggage they may have, leave their family to build a new home. You cannot be chatting constantly with your ex, and say it does not matter. You are creating room for the devil to penetrate your home. You cannot bring your parent's style to your home. You both should decide how you want the home to be run. I remember in the first few months of our marriage, by default I cooked rice every Sunday, mostly different varieties. That was the custom in my parent's house. My husband had to reset my brain to start something else. It took a while but I obliged. Also, you cannot always refer to your past and expect your spouse to recreate your old experiences whether good or bad. Treat your spouse as brand new. Heal from your past, if it was terrible and move in with a new heart.

Leaving is not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes for women, there is a tendency to leave some of their things in their parent's house so they can always have a reason to go there. That shouldn’t be. When you leave, leave with the whole of your heart. That way, you can focus absolutely on your marriage. The truth is, your parent will always see you as their child, and you can keep in touch from a distance, thanks to the internet age, you can still see them physically online. To leave, you must be deliberate about it. You must choose to leave and adjust where necessary.

To cleave is to remain entangled with, to stick together. Marriage should not be entered into with a double mind or a plan B. Your initial mindset matters a lot. When you decide that there is no other option, you will put in the work to make it work. You will be willing to make compromises, improve yourself, learn, unlearn and relearn. To cleave is to stay together. Trials and temptations will come.  Challenges will test you but you have to decide to cross the mountains and the hills together. To cleave is to be one. Oneness in spirit, soul and body. Two people cannot drive a car at the same time, one person has to lead and the other follows. If both of you are the boss, then you will go nowhere. You both have to be open and agree to work together.

I do not believe in the saying that it is the woman that binds the home. It takes two people to make a marriage work and understanding your individual roles is very important to drive the marriage ship faster. If God is truly your father and Jesus your lord. He will help you make your marriage work. He will tell you when to apologise, how to adjust and what you need to do to improve yourself. Except you are reluctant to obey.

If you are single and want a lasting marriage, remember it is work and be ready to put in that work. If you are already in marriage, it's not too late, leave to cleave today.